Today I want to switch things up and talk about how to change your mindset and get out of the Loser Mentality. That might sound harsh but hopefully once I explain what it is, you’ll understand what I mean.
The Loser Mentality, and I am very guilty of this, is that mindset of, “Why not me?”, “Why can’t I be successful?”, “If they were successful doing this, why aren’t I?”. If you do this, you will not be successful. Guaranteed. Comparing yourself to your peers, or rather competition, is the best way to stay stagnant because you end up in paralysis analysis and end up going nowhere. When you’re always focused on what everyone else is doing, you can’t focus on what you need to do. Read on for 7 things that might be keeping you in the Loser Mentality.
Don’t Feel Pressured to Be an Overnight Success!
This one, this one right here should be your daily mantra! Being successful, and proving that I’m successful has literally eaten me alive and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one suffering from this but we need to stop …. NOW! Life is not a race. Success is not a race. Everyone goes at their own speed so take your time and enjoy the process. If you’re constantly pressuring yourself to be as good as this person, or as successful as that person etc … you’re always going to be down on yourself and it will affect your ability to achieve your dreams! Don’t compare your success to others, be inspired by their success! When you catch yourself analyzing someone’s blog or twitter and you’re wondering, “Why not me?”, stop and adjust your mindset right there! Instead, ask yourself, “What can I learn from their page?”, this will get you much farther but the first step is to acknowledge that your mind is going down that rabbit hole first.
Ask For Help
You ever hear the saying, “It takes a village …”, being successful is no different. You need a village to help you for so many different reasons but the most important, is that your village can help you when you’re struggling. Not getting enough exposure? Ask your village to help promote your work/site/business. Not sure what your next step is? Ask your village what they did next. Running out of ideas? Engage with your village and be inspired by what they have to say! Don’t be too stubborn to ask for help, even if you’re a one-person band, having a support system is so important and having those connections can pay off big time.
Life is not a competition and I had to learn this one the hard way! I played sports competitively my entire life and I prided myself on being the best and always wanted to be the best and was not going to let anyone get in the way of that. But you know where that left me in the end? Alone and without a support system. I honestly only just realized the importance of this within the last 6 months. My boyfriend and I used to work together; hired into the same position and did the same work. I started taking initiative and doing extra work but he got promoted before me. I was so angry and grew indifferent about a job I loved because of my competitive nature. The craziest thing was that it wasn’t like I lost the promotion to some random person I worked with, I lost it to my boyfriend and so I also felt betrayed but it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. I was looking at him saying, “I do more work than you and I know more than you. It should’ve been me.” Instead, I should’ve been asking, “What was he doing that I wasn’t?” because he clearly did something right. Even though I was doing more work and taking initiative in terms of teaching and leading, that wasn’t what I was hired to do so the work I was doing was irrelevant and yeah, I for sure knew more about the job than he but I wasn’t showing that. I was showing that I can work hard and do a lot of things but not that I was proficient at the job at hand so I was the reason I lost the promotion.
That was hard pill to swallow but once I did I started looking back on my past and realized that my inability to stop competing with those around me, has caused me to lose a lot of friends and opportunities. Now I’m not saying to stop competing all together but you need to know the difference between healthy competition and toxic competition. Toxic competition is based on fear and scarcity; the belief that there’s only so much success to be had. That’s not true at all, and even more so in today’s world than ever! There’s 7 billion people on this planet and that number is growing everyday, just about anyone can attain some level of success if you find your market. This fear then purports the mentality that you have to win at all costs, and this will cause you the most trouble.
Healthy competition is looking at someone and saying, “What they did was awesome, I can do it too!” Healthy competition allows you to grow and maintain relationships with people around you that have done or are doing what you are. It also prevents you from becoming bitter about the success of those around you; it forces you to champion their success just as much as yours. Even if you are direct competition, you shouldn’t be trying to take them down, you should be trying to work with them and use each other to motivate and inspire your work.
If your mentality about competing in the real world is about winning, you’re already losing. Attaining success isn’t about “winning”, you’re not beating someone to a finish line so just eliminate the word winning from your vocabulary when it comes to explaining or planning out your success. There’s plenty of time, be patient and put in the work.
Your Main Focus Shouldn’t Be Attention
This is a tough one considering how important a role social media and attention is to marketing and exposure but this shouldn’t be your main focus. This goes back to competition; if you’re main focus is gaining as much attention as possible, you’re going to lose sight of the goal and you’re going to lose yourself because you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to get that attention. No one will pay attention to you if you’re begging for it but no one will notice you if you’re not calling attention to yourself either so you have to find that happy medium. Spend an hour or two a day promoting on social media but the rest of your interactions should be just that, real life interactions. When you show people that you’re real and that you’re in it with them, they’re more likely to support you and the exposure will come. But if you’re just promoting and having ingenuine interactions, people can see through that and they won’t want to listen to you or help you.
DO THE WORK
This is one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to the never-ending loop of being stuck in the Loser Mentality. Everyday, I hear from people who do nothing but complain about their situation. I know that everyone needs to vent and that life gets overwhelming so I’m more than happy to lend an ear but when you’re complaining that you’re broke and you can’t believe you got fired again or that it’s not fair that your sibling has a better job but you’re more dedicated … My only question to you is, what are you going to do about it?
If you are going to complain about how unsuccessful you are and if you’re down because you haven’t achieved anything, do something about it and if you’re not willing to do the work to get there, don’t complain about it. You’re mentality is the biggest reason you’re stuck where you are. The only difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that unsuccessful people put limitations on what they think they’re capable of achieving. I know it’s cliche but the old saying, “shoot for the moon and you’ll land amongst the stars” is a good catch-phrase to remember. You may not be as successful or as rich as Bill Gates, but you won’t know how close you can get if you don’t put in the work and try.
Take Accountability for Your Actions and Faults
I cannot stress this enough. Accountability will get so much farther in life than you could ever imagine. Owning up to your own crap and your own downfalls is a very integral step towards achieving your dreams. I’ve had a few relevating moments within the last 12-months and my outlook on life, and my ability to work and my dedication to my work has been the main benefactor of my ability to take ownership of my actions and the things I need to work on. This can range from binge eating and making excuses for it to having your car towed off the street because you’re 90-days late on your registration. Both are your fault and if you keep making excuses for yourself, you’re not going to grow and growth is important to achieving success.
Define What Success Means To You
This is the last thing that can help get you out of that Loser Mentality. What does success mean to you? This question right here, if and when you define it, will change your whole mindset. Success to me, means not having to work for someone else. Whatever that ends up manifesting into, that’s how I’m going to define my success. Once I identified what I wanted my definition of success to be, my whole outlook changed. I started waking up earlier and working harder, networking more and I became inspired. I stopped looking at my peers and comparing my accomplishments to theirs because our goals are different, our paths are different and our definitions of success are different, so why am I comparing myself to them? Instead, I started using those people as resources and building relationships with them so that they would support me the same way I had supported them.
I know recognizing our faults and areas of improvement can be hard because we’re looking at ourselves and telling ourselves, “You can do better” and that can be tough. However, if you just adjust a few things, your quality of life can benefit so much and most of it starts with changing your mentality.
Have you ever had to go through something like this? What are some of your best practices? Let me know in the comments or find me on twitter @cashcamel93. Thanks for reading everyone, make sure you subscribe, like, share if you enjoyed this post.
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