Resume Tips for a 2020 Job Hunt

Self Care

Honesty moment. I was let go, for the first time, recently. It was difficult to come to terms with but 20/20 hindsight (see what I did there) it was for the better and from what I’m hearing, I’m very glad my manager made the decision for me.

Since then, I’ve been taking time to figure what I really want to do. I’ve jumped from job to job, trying to find the right place and even at Massge Envy, the place where it all started, I was extremely unsatisfied. The best part about the job was being the leader and my staff. I loved building my team and refining the skills in my team for them to be successful, coaching my sales associates on best practices and seeing them reach goal after goal. But I wasn’t happy; I wasn’t fulfilled. There were days of course where I said that I loved my job but at the end of the day, it wasn’t going to be my end career.

I’ve had some time to explore all different types of jobs out there and I’ve had to adjust how I approach my job search. Namely, I’ve had to update my resume and figure out what types of resumes work for certain jobs.

So keep reading for my 6 resume tips for 2020!

Uncoachable Kids from A Coach’s Perspective

Self Care

Lately, I’ve been seeing videos of unruly children. Not unruly, uncivil and ill-mannered is a better way to put it and I feel really bad for the children in these situations. Their parents have failed them and now, they’re on the internet making fools of themselves and will have a very hard time in their future. One such video I saw this morning, a teenage boy about 15 smashed his phone and threw it in the pool simply because he wanted the newest iPhone and his mom refused because the phone he had worked perfectly.

This type of behavior is rampant in kids now. And I can’t blame the parents fully, however, in most of these videos the parents do not stand up their kids. They hush them, try to talk low and quiet to get them to calm down, appease them or make excuses for them but that’s allowing that behavior to continue. For what? Because you don’t want family dinner to be awkward? It’s really appalling and then when the other people around take action, they’re they villain.

“Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults. Let your kid get used to somebody being tough on them. That’s life, get over it!” – Patrick Murphy, Alabama Softball

I don’t want to seem preachy or out of line but from being on the receiving and observing end as a coach, here’s the issue with this. These kids are allowed to behave in such a poor manner with no discipline that when they get out into the real world, they fail. Why? Well, they don’t know how to behave in society. Or they become bullies and the only success they see is because they forced their way into it likely by acting the way they always have and people gave them what they wanted to shut them up. They get jobs but can’t keep them very long because they mouth off to their boss or a customer and get fired then, they throw a fit and blame everyone else except their own behavior because they were never taught accountability.

The other issue, parents are putting their kids above anything else. This tells that child that their needs and their desires come before anyone else’s and that will carry over to their real world interactions. Love your kids, cherish them, protect them but they need to know that are other things and other people more important than them. They need to know their time and place. I grew up on a farm and was raised that I don’t get fed until the animals do, why? It’s teaching discipline, responsibility and accountability. I understood that those animals depended on me to live and not that their lives were more important than mine, but held the same value and so I was humbled early-on and learned to respect the lives around me.

This is not the best example because not everyone will have that experience but this can be taught in many ways with regard to many other situations. For instance, the issue with the iPhone example. This mother was one of the few that actually stood up to her kid but that whole ordeal could’ve probably been avoided had he not been given whatever he wanted at a younger age. By this I mean, when he was old enough to get his first phone, you don’t just hand him the newest one. I never did, my parents got the upgrades and the new phones and my siblings got their phones. We got what we got and we didn’t throw a fit.

So how do we curtail this issue? Well in this day and age, it’s really hard because the people who are supposed to be teaching real life skills and discipline, and manners, outside the home, are being made out to be the bad guys. Who are they? Coaches, teachers, mentors, other adults … anyone who challenges the child and their behavior is the bad guy while the parents just sit back and tell Junior to calm down. The parents lack of accountability for their kid’s behavior and actions makes it harder to teach them anything and the parents almost never have the other parties side either. If your kid is failing a class, it’s not necessarily the teachers fault, sure it can be but what is your kid doing in class? Do they behave and participate? Are they doing their homework? Are they showing up? These are things parents tend to ignore and just take the kid’s word as gold and go in both barrels loaded to have a parent teacher conference and basically attack the teacher under the guise that they suck at their job instead of finding the root cause. You’re not helping your child by allowing them to act out and by fighting their battles for them and by taking their side all the time. It’s a tough place to be in as a parent, I can understand that, but your child’s success depends on how they’re raised and if you’re not willing to do it then someone else has to.

I used to coach volleyball and I loved it, I thought it was going to be my passion and career but my last two seasons coaching were the worst experiences of my life and basically forced me to stop. I’ve meant to go back but now I have my reservations. I had a decent team of 12 and 13-year old girls, all very sweet and I enjoyed them very much. When you play sports, there’s consequences for under-performing, not showing up to practices, missing games, conditioning …. it is a sport after all. Anyways, one of the girls had missed nearly 4 practices before our first tournament and the team I coached for had it in their player contract, that for every missed practice the child would sit out a set in the following tournament. So she did, and her parents were on the sidelines the entire first match with me yelling at me while I should’ve been coaching my team because she wasn’t going to be playing until the last match due to her attendance. My issues were also exclusively with parents too so I think I was lucky in that regard. I only dealt with one really disrespectful kid who refused to partake in drills she didn’t like, never did any of the conditioning and started issues on the team.

What does the child gain from this? Nothing. Her parents showed her that mommy and daddy would fight her battles for her, that there is no consequences for her actions and that even though she broke the rules it didn’t matter. She and her parents were missing the point and she missed out on her first real life lesson.

Kids need boundaries and they need rules and they need parents. Have a great relationship with your children but know where to draw the line between friend and parent. It’s just like owning or running a business but being friends with some of the people that work there. It’s still your responsibility to know when to draw that line and to hold them accountable. Both of which make coachable humans.

How did you learn the skills you have? I bet your parents helped teach you as well as any other adult in charge that helped shape and mold you. My coaches taught me more about how to behave but still be intense and get what I want but if parents aren’t allowing teachers, coaches and mentors to teach … and these things aren’t being taught at home? What kind of child are you producing for this world? I don’t want to give parenting advice, I’m not a parent but this is my opinion from being on the receiving end. I wish parents would understand how much harder they’re making things on their kids when they don’t hold them accountable for their actions and behaviors and won’t allow teachers and coaches to do their jobs. It takes a village to raise a human being, so why villainize those who can help?

Motivation vs. Discipline: What’s the big deal

Self Care

Motivation and discipline go hand in hand when it comes to achieving success but are very inherently different in application. People who are motivated are the best to be around, they always seem to be in an upbeat mood and are always encouraging others to do better but what if I told you that person was living a lie? Motivation is fine and dandy but takes so much energy to obtain and maintain where as having discipline means you do whatever you have to do, no matter what and that mentality will get you far further in life.

So let’s break that down. Motivation is the procrastinators worst enemy and is the worst enemy of anyone trying to accomplish a large task that they maybe don’t want to. There’s the key right there, it’s something they don’t want to do in the first so they have to talk themselves into doing it. However, more often than not, you end up talking yourself out of things. I’m super guilty of this; presented with a larger than normal task and instead of buckling down to do it, I make excuses as to why I can’t do it yet and eventually talk myself out of whatever I was doing. Motivation is good to get you going but once you’re motivated to do something, turn that into discipline to actually get it done.

Motivation is a waiting game, to put it simply. You’re waiting for the conditions to be right in order to complete whatever task you needed to complete and that will always lead to failure or procrastination. Motivation requires you to rely on it, to be dependent on your ability to talk yourself into doing things but no offense, some of us aren’t very good motivators.

So how do you go from, “I can’t do that now” to just doing it no matter what? Well, it won’t be easy. You’re going to have to train yourself to have self-discipline and just like anything, this will take daily practice and mindfulness to master.

The first thing to do is to stop reading about motivation. It’s a fallacy that people have made millions of dollars off of and it’s sickening because motivation means nothing. I know people who everyday say, “Tomorrow’s the day, I’m going to wake up early and go the gym!” but when the day comes, their motivation has gone and they no longer want to do those things and they’re not disciplined to do it anyways. So why read about something that won’t help you? Because we’re told to believe that motivation is the key to success, but it’s not self-discipline is. Motivation comes and goes and is easy to talk yourself out of but discipline requires mindfulness and accountability.

Second, you need to know your weaknesses and what may tempt you because knowing yourself first, is key to mastering self-discipline. My biggest weakness, is sleeping. I would skip my own funeral to take a nap. Recognizing your weaknesses and temptations will help you plan for them so that you won’t have to compromise your progress. One thing I do that helps me get out of bed faster, especially when all I want to do is sleep, I take my cat’s food up at night. Why? Because every day around 6am she will inevitably wake me up to feed her and because this furry little creature depends on me, it forces me to get up anyways. It motivates me to get up sure, but I have to make the choice to get up so that she doesn’t go hungry, I have to be disciplined enough to get up and feed her instead of saying, “She can wait one or two more hours”. Once I’m up, I try to be mindful and make the decision to stay up by making a smoothie, some food or drinking some ice cold water because if I allow myself to go back to sleep, I’ll lose that progress. I also use a lot of caffeine to get myself going, Genius Caffeine is my saviour on those mornings that I really don’t want to be up. It gives me a good amount of energy but I don’t get the jitters or the crash like with other caffeine products or energy drinks. So once you know your weaknesses and temptations, make a plan to overcome them and then make another plan in case you fail, both that are simple enough you won’t have to think twice about it but matters enough that you will do it no matter what.

This one ties right in with the last. Set small goals that will accumulate to a much larger accomplishment. This is a great tool to use with any large project or any task that seems overwhelming. Break it down into bite sized pieces, accomplish one at a time and in no time, you’ll have completed the whole thing. Mastering self-discipline is no different. Because this skill takes constant practice and mindfulness, at times it can be quite draining to acquire so breaking your self-discipline goals down into bite sized pieces will help you be more successful and will feel much more rewarding. For instance, you want to be more disciplined and not eat after 9pm. Seems easy but trust me, it’s tough. One way to break down this goal is to set a bedtime and a cutoff time. Let’s say your normal bedtime is 12am, let’s keep that and set the cutoff time for 10pm, just two hours with no food. You’re successful with this for one full week so you keep your bedtime at 12am but you push your cutoff time back 30-minutes to 930pm. You nail this one for another week, so you take your cutoff time back another 30-minutes to 9pm and you kill it and now you’ve created a new habit! What we did here is change only one thing to keep it simple, the cutoff time for eating, if you try to change too much too soon, you will fail regardless. Remember, it takes about 40,000 repetitions of something to really create a habit, and about 100,000 to correct the habit so replacing your old habit with a new one is far easier than trying to correct your old habit.

 Expect and accept failure, just don't let it control you. 

Now, in the event that you fail, it’s not that it’s no big deal but be mindful and try to figure out and understand why you failed; Did you not eat enough during the day? Did you eat dinner while watching something or being distracted? Are you properly hydrated? All things you can ask yourself with regard to the above example, but once you identify why you failed, be disciplined enough to start fresh right away; don’t, “wait for tomorrow”. So you mess up and eat cereal at 10pm, oops. Acknowledge you messed up, take accountability for your actions and make a plan so you will stop eating that night and won’t fail again tomorrow. Remember, failure is part of progress, if we don’t fail we don’t learn and if we’re not learning, we’re not trying. Expect and accept failure, just don’t let it control you. The most successful people take their failures and grow from them so they don’t make the same mistake again.

Lastly, change your perception of willpower and discipline. You have to believe you have the willpower to make the right choices and the discipline to make the right choice even if you’re willpower fails. If you’re walking down the candy aisle and excuse your lack of discipline for lack of willpower you will never be able to achieve a high-level of discipline. Willpower turns to discipline when practiced enough so instead, acknowledge that you want the candy but then also acknowledge that you’re strong and are disciplined with willpower so your forego the candy and set a future reward for not giving in now. For instance, tell yourself that if you can not eat after 9pm for a whole week, you’ll reward yourself with candy. Positive reinforcement and reward will make achieving your goals and acquiring the skill of self-discipline much easier. If there’s nothing to look forward to, there’s no motivator for doing something.

Thank you for tuning in today and I really hope this helps someone out there. I know I’ve struggled with discpline so just know, you’re not alone.

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